Last week, as I was walking my laps around the park, I was talking on the phone with my wonderful stepsister, Lisa. The reception was sketchy, so you can imagine my surprise when all I heard was “Get your &^%$ together!”
“What?” I cringed back. “It’s the name of a web-site geared toward Life and Death Planning, created by a woman who’s husband died unexpectedly,” she shouted. http://getyourshittogether.org/
Sigh. This conversation came to be as I shared the sadness I was struggling to shake around the surprising death of a really good man, Rob Mintz. Over the past year, I have had the delight of getting to know Rob’s wife, Lisa, as our lives intersect via school, community and shared visions. I had known Rob for a while. I appreciated Rob – you see, he was one of those people who had the gift of making me feel like I matter. Every time I saw him, his face would light up and he would say, “Hi, Robbie!”. The only folks who use that nickname for me are friends from my youth and some family members. It was endearing and warming.
Rob’s sudden death rocked our community. He was a well-respected attorney, father, husband, Philanthropist and friend to many.
Over 1.000 people attended the funeral service. As I sat in the sanctuary I MindFULLY thought of so many things. I felt for his wife and children. I felt for his family. I felt for their friends. I sat in awe of all who stood to say good-bye and I wondered who would stand for me? Relationships have been on my mind. This is the time of Elul in Judaism., a month where we reflect on things we’d like to make better within ourselves and heal/forgive in our lives/relationships and world. I had some things that needed my attention. I wrote them down and am setting out to check them off. I’ll let you know how I do. For now, I am 1 for 3 in the forgiveness department. 2 haven’t responded and 1 reached back and said, “How about a sandwich?” I have picked two character traits to work on, as well. I hope to be 2 for 2 with some real work.
It also got me thinking that g-d forbid if something happened, is everything (will, etc) in its’ “place” and who knows what/where that place is? Truth be told, I freaked out. I talked to my husband about “where everything is” and called our dear friend who handles it all. In spite of it not being all that comfortable, I talked to my daughter about knowing she is safe and that Daddy and I have done everything we can to make sure that we had her back. I put “important numbers to know” in her cell phone, showed her where some things are and hugged the heck out of her. To me, letting your kid know you are on her side and she is safe (you have done what you should do as a parent on her behalf) and loved, is the greatest gift in the world. My own life has shown me that it is the foundation for esteem and enables one to settle into the business of growing themselves vs worrying if they are loved or have enough.
Then another friend told me how Rob’s passing has made her think about all this, as well. She heard a great piece on NPR – http://www.marketplace.org/shows/marketplace-money/marketplace-money-friday-august-16-2013 Did you know that having a safety deposit box isn’t such a good idea, after all? Give a listen.
There is a ton out there to help us “get our *&^% together” and it is a gift you can give those you love, and yourself. MindFULL Peace of Mind is what I like to call it. And I hope I don’t have to think about it again, for a long time to come.
Who knows where your MindFULL documents are? You don’t have to let us know, but make sure someone does!And if there is a MindFULL relationship you’d like to heal, give it a try. That’s all you can do.