Musings and Insights

JOY

Last weekend we saw the movie, JOY. I went in wanting to love it. As someone who barely showers without having an idea, I thought it would motivate me.

It did.

But not in the way I thought it would.

And therein lies one of my favorite life learnings — “You always get what you want, it’s just not always in the package you think it’s going to come in.”

I thought the movie was good, but I didn’t love Jennifer Lawrence. She seemed too young and pretty to be the real Joy, whom I had seen interviewed. And while I could spend the day looking at Bradley Cooper, again I didn’t see him in the role. It all felt too predictable.

The part that felt motivating was yes, in a small way, to continue my journey toward making my own dreams a reality, but also … to organize my closet, yet again! As I was walking through Bed Bath and Beyond, I saw the JOY display. They are really milking the marketing. And I bought right in. Those skinny, purple velvet hangers called my name. As one with a small closet and not a lot of room, I am constantly cleaning out and trying to keep my few things in order. The hangers promised to double my space. Not so sure they did that, but everything is now hanging at a level eye and nothing is slipping off onto the floor. Opening my closet and seeing everything nicely hung, brings me joy. And I love that the hangers are purple and say JOY. What a wonderful thing to see when I take something out. Looking at the hanger reminds me of how lucky I am to have something I en-joy wearing.

After re-doing my closet and reflecting on the story, what I also came away loving was the connection I felt to the movie itself and as such, to my friend Sharon, whom I miss madly. Her brother, Alan, edited the film and the very last credit read: In Loving Memory of Sharon Baumgarten Maifeld (and two others). Sharon always made me laugh, lighten up and reframe my feelings. My joy at having had such a loving friend in my life for so long is twinged with sadness, but joy seeps in when I wear some of the things she left me and I am able to channel her wisdom and love.

So, the next time you go to a movie and hold an expectation, see if you can expand your perspective a little. It may hold something different for you. Then again, you might simply en-joy it.

What MindFULLY brings you joy? Let us know!

18 Gentle Reminders

Live and Learn. What else can we do? This Fall was a rough one. I won’t bore you with the details; it wasn’t dramatic and who wants to hear someone else’s stuff when everyone has their own fish to fry? But let just say that “fry” is the key word – at times I felt like I had gone from the pan to the fire. For me, the heat was even higher when I knew I was smart enough to do better…and yet, I couldn’t.

Lathering on the metaphorical balm last weekend, I spent Sunday in bed, napping, watching TV and re-reading old journals, looking for ways to bring perspective back into focus. Lucky for me, I have some very wise friends, have read some helpful books along the way and was able to find advice that I had jotted down in old journals, for just these times.

In Judaism, 18 is the number associated with “Life.” When I found our house on Zillow, one of the things I noticed was that the zip code was 80218. Re-reading some of my journal entries brought me back to “life” and so, given this is the season of lists, I thought I’d share my 18 Gentle Reminders. I am splitting them up between this MindFULL Monday and next. May you glance them over and feel as if you are sitting by a warm, cozy fire… and not in it…

Notice people, numbers, sayings, songs that send you a message at just the right time (I call mine Binky Blinks. You can make up a name for yours). When you pay attention, they will appear. Promise.
Sometimes we assume something about the other person that just isn’t true. Funny thing is that chances are both of us are experiencing similar things in a different way. We all try and be right and can miss what we need to hear and learn from.
Gratitude is the best medicine. Everyday write down 3 things you are grateful for. If you’re sad, try best to come up with 10.
We all have “soft spots” – parts of ourselves that are tender. One of mine is “not enough.” Sometimes folks “hit the spot” inadvertently and then we tend to “go South.” Best advice I’ve gotten: When an event is happening with someone, you have to decide if it needs to be solved or just let it pass through you. The moment the chatter starts, lean away from it (most people lean in and get involved). Get some space and give it room to pass through (from The UnTethered Soul).
How people act is because of something in THEM. It’s not you, even if it feels like it is! Really. (Tough to remember but oh so true, whether you are 17 or 53…)
“There’s another possibility of how to look at that…” Pretend the situation is a pie, cut it into slices and write all the ways you can imagine it could be (Special Thanks to Rena Tobey for teaching me this technique).
We all grapple. It’s human nature. There’s nothing wrong with us. Try and shift from damning (y)ourselves to finding nurturing ground.
Ask yourself, “What brings me peace in the most healthy way?” Make a list so you can take kind care of yourself during trying times. For me it’s re-reading excerpts from helpful conversations, warm baths and walks around my favorite park with my friend and her dog.
Learn and know your strengths and weaknesses. We all have ‘em. There is no shame, just understanding. Understanding helps us re-frame, and re-frame can equal ease.

Check back next week for 9 more MindFULL Gentle Reminders! How do you MindFULLY turn down your heat? Let us know!

Supposed To

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Supposed To. Two little words that can undo me as fast as stepping on a shoelace and having it unravel.

Memories of my husband standing in the bedroom hallway one morning with a compassionate smile and nailing this sentiment that had me up at 2am, calmed my aching heart. Thinking of his laser keen mind, huge heart and enviable objectiveness, a soft knowing wafted up from my pillow.

You’d think by now, I’d get it. And the good news is that I do. Faster than ever before. But at 2am, time seems to move as slowly as the driver in the left lane.

And when intersected with Holidays, it seems to stop.

So, how did I get it moving again? I got up and reached for the app I happened to install in September, based on Dan Harris’s book, 10% Happier. For two weeks, 5 minutes a day, Dan Harris and Joseph Goldstein teach you how to mediate without stigma, preconceived notions or incense. It was as good a time as any to revisit.

Every year, the Holidays bring something up for me. And every year I uncover one more nugget of insight. My favorite nugget is that “We usually get what we want, it’s just not always in the package we think it is “supposed to” be in.” When I remember this, inevitably something presents itself and shows me that all we are really “supposed to” do is Be Kind, Have Faith and Hold Gratitude.

Not because we are Supposed To. But because we Can.

What will you MindFULLY do this Holiday Season because You Can?

Let us know!

Binky Blinks

Those of you who know me, know that I have a thing for “G-d Winks” — moments, people, ideas and “ahas” that show up at just the right time. Today I had “a moment” – a short conversation with a nice guy in a cigar shop. What was I doing in a cigar shop?

I was having a rough day. No, I didn’t pop in for a smoke. I was simply driving a bit aimlessly after realizing I had misread the time of an important event and missed it. All dressed up, and with my head swimming with my mistake, I slowly wandered home down a new street with lots of small store fronts. While stopped at a red light, I noticed a cigar store with a front bench stacked with colorful and shapely cigar boxes. Hmmmm… curious, I pulled over to take a closer look. A sign said $3 each. I was drawn to the boxes even though I had no idea what I was going to do with them.

As I was waiting to pay, I noticed how relaxed some guys were, lounging in large leather chairs, TVs on, having a smoke. The store, divided in half, was full. This led to a conversation with one of the guys working there, which led to the validation of an idea I have been carrying around. We talked for a bit, exchanged info and then he leaned over, winked at me and said, “There are two bags of boxes I just put out by the dumpster and they are either going to get thrown away or someone will just take ’em.”

Score! I pulled my car around the corner and loaded them into the trunk. Between the store and home, an idea of what I can do with them popped up. Names popped up. And then, I realized. I don’t just notice “G-d Winks” now I was noticing “Binky Blinks” – my new name for ideas that come to me when I intuit possibility.

In my exploration of NEXT, I am learning that we all make mistakes and sometimes wander “aimlessly”. I wonder if it’s not what I don’t do, it’s what I do with what I’ve done. Using the cigar boxes as a metaphor for transformation, I plan to make something new of them. And the part of me that misread the time on the event? Well, my intention is to transform it and show up in a new way.

Hmph. Now that the smoke has cleared, I think I can see it all a bit more clearly.

Where do you see MindFULL possibilities and what do you do with them?

Let us know!

Nest to Next

It has been a long time since last I posted. Over the past year, my “get up and go” simply “got up and went.” Life interceded and called my attention toward more pressing matters: the grappling with several dear friends challenges and illnesses, my daughter’s march toward Senior Year of High School and all it’s varied layers, and the ending of my favorite new TV binge – Nurse Jackie. Appreciating the luxury of time to show up for them has definitely made for a wider lens through which to see the day.

So, here I am. Back at the keyboard. A full journal brimming with ideas and finally the time and patience to allow them to play out. I am using this year to really explore what I love and see where it leads. As my daughter moves toward launching to college next Fall, I, too, am moving toward a kind of new launching for myself.

This year, I plan to evolve The MindFULL Creative into my next venture. I’m kinda excited to post what I learn. To offer what I find. And I invite you, wherever you are in your days, to contribute your thoughts.

Last Fall, I heard Gail Sheehy speak. My favorite line in her talk was simply, “Now is the time to start.” Then yesterday, I had a spontaneous visit with my old HS friend, Barb, who reminded me of one of her favorite ways of bucketing life; “Haves Tos”, “Want Tos”, and “F*&^ Yous”. It made me laugh. But it also resonated with the desire to fill this year with as many “Want Tos” as I can.

I’m excited to see where my daughter chooses to go to college and where I end up NEXT. I have a feeling it’s gonna be quite a journey.

“Want To” MindFULLY join me? We’d love to hear how you find your way to NEXT!

Stop! In The Name of (self) Love

Recently, my cousin sent me this picture. I love it. It’s of me, and my two cousins (brother and sister) when we were around 4, 5 and 6, I think. It is one of my favorites and the timing reminds me of one of the best learnings I have come to this past year – learning to laugh at myself.

I am going to send it to the website Awkward Family Photos www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com. I love to look at the pics on the site. I think it shows us that all families have good intentions, and still, they can go terribly wrong. And I laugh out loud.

Such is also one of the lessons I hope to take into this New Year. I don’t always “do family” as well as I’d like. It’s complicated and managing it all can sometimes be challenging for me. With a lot of hard work, I’ve come to realize that we all “picture” our families, and lives, in a certain way. The picture is made up of moments – “snapshots in time”. The moments stick with us and we can choose to metaphorically caption them any way we want. We can also change the caption. I had several “captions” for this photo in my mind. My cousin had a different one. I loved hearing his. It opened me up to possibilities outside of my limited, and sometimes hard on myself, observations.

Maybe that’s what makes sites like Facebook and Instagram so appealing (and appalling). We have an opportunity to put out the best picture/caption possible and to believe in it.

So, I have put this old, dear picture where I can see it and like the little girl on the right, I vow to raise my hand more often and say, “Stop”! Stop and consider other perspectives. Stop and lighten up. Stop and be grateful for the friends and family who laugh with me. Stop and love ALL this moment has to offer. After all, it’s only a moment. And moments are all we have.

Do you have a picture that MindFULLY makes you laugh at yourself ?

Let us know!

Fall Flip

It’s finally Fall. And with the change in season comes one of my favorite things to do – Flip My Closet! Sounds like a game show. Hmmm, maybe there is something to that?

Today, as I hauled my winter clothes up from the basement and packed my summer clothes to take their place, I was struck by an awareness of how different my flip was this season. Usually I bring it all up, and put it all away. This time, I left some things downstairs and immediately put others in the Goodwill pile. I didn’t put anything in the closet for the sake of having it. I really noticed each piece. And then, it hit me – the clothes were a metaphor representing situations, people and desires.

For those who don’t know my work, I do Consumer Research (www.beetrix.com). One of the methodologies we use has folks bringing in pictures that represent their thoughts and feelings about a product or a service. I listen for metaphor in their descriptions and use it as a gateway to dive deeper into understanding their experience.

Ha! This time the Cobbler’s children DO have shoes.

As I struggle through the Jewish Holidays with a new found sense of my own truth around certain situations, people and desires, I was relieved to have a metaphorical lens through which to view how I was feeling. See, I am not ready to let go of some things, but I don’t want them hanging in the closet on a daily basis. Keeping them nicely packed downstairs is my way holding on with one hand, not two. It was obviously time to let go of other things and so those went straight into the giveaway pile. And still others required a little more thought and went into the closet with a “wait and see how I feel wearing it this year” curiosity. As I finished flipping my closet, a sense of acceptance washed over me.

I also realized that it wasn’t really about how these clothes looked, it was more about how I felt wearing them. And as is life, my body has changed and what once fit easily, no longer fits as comfortably. No blame, just a natural evolution. So to, is the natural evolution of how I fit into my world and how it fits me.

As things change, literally taking care of my health and body are also top of mind. My desire to feel well has led me to reconnect with a gentle and encouraging trainer (www.Level3fit.com) , and an old friend from my childhood who sells supplements that help with energy, digestion and my “stage” of life (www.WAYGOOD.My PlexusProducts.com). I am constantly reminded that it is not only what I wear on the outside, but how I feel on the inside.

As Billy Crystal used to say, “When you feel good, you look good Dahling”. Here’s to a season of feeling good, no matter what you have “hanging in your closet.”

How do you MindFULLY notice how you fit metaphorically in your clothes and in the world? Let us know!

Mai Pen Rai

As I relaxed on my sunny front porch the other day, enjoying the serendipitous music coming from a stranger as he sat on the back of his car playing the cello, I was struck by the myriad of emotions that passed in front of me as I looked out at my neighborhood. There are beautiful gardens to enjoy, kids playing basketball and laughing and bits and pieces of longing resting on my heart for folks from my old ‘hood that I miss waving to.

In front of me is the key phrase.

It used to be that emotions hit me in the gut. Now, with time and compassion and understanding, on a “good day” the emotions come up and pass by. In front of me one moment, gone the next. Mai Pen Rai, I say. It is what it is.I learned of Mai Pen Rai, when I came across the article below. As you will read, “Mai Pen Rai” is elusive in its meaning and description and can be understood to mean any of the following: it’s OK, it doesn’t matter, no worries, or it is what it is.” I loved the way the author described the saying, and way of life, prevalent in Thailand.

http://www.businessbackpacker.com/mai-pen-rai-a-lesson-on-letting-go/

No matter the culture, religion, country, etc., there are many ways to hold perspective of situations and relationships. My grandmother used to say in Yiddush, Gumzalatova – it’s all for the good. Caroline Myss, spiritual teacher and medical intuit, says that situations and people show up to teach us what we need to learn. The Bible, the Torah, books of other religions, spiritual teachers, columnists and psychologists all have their spin. The spin hardly matters. What I find important is the peace in whatever piece I choose to learn from.

I love metaphors and often find my home to be a powerful reminder of what I need to learn and what I know. Outsides change – cloudy days, sunny days, we move, others we love move, too. Insides give us the chance to control a little more – rearranging furniture (re-framing), creating a sense of ourselves with color and light (illuminating our insights), making space to sit and welcome friends/family (lessons) and ourselves.

What goes on outside of us goes on. What we do with it inside is up to us.

How do you MindFULLY learn that it’s OK? Let us know!

MindFULL Freedom

Tonight begins the Jewish holiday of Passover. It is not a religious holiday, as much as it is a Spiritual one.

Passover tells the story of the Hebrews release from Egyptian slavery and how they wandered the dessert for 40 years enroute to the Promised Land. There are rituals and details that expand dinners (known as Seders) from the usual quick 30 minute routine to, in some homes (like my Great Uncle Oscar’s), over 4 hours. The holiday lasts for 8 days, during which no leavened products can be had. Families and friends gather, stories are told, questions are asked and courses keep on coming – each one with different symbols and spins on old favorites.

There are so many interpretations of the holiday. One gist for some celebrating is the notion of freeing ourselves from our own bondage. As my friend Vesna says, “It is the one time when you should take things personally.” What she means is that it can be a personal holiday – one where you actually get to make it about you – seeing ourselves reflected in all of the different figures of Passover. As it is said, of all the Hebrews to be freed, only 20% left – 80% stayed. The devil they knew was better than the devil they didn’t.

So, where do you stay back? Inspite of all of the miracles you’ve seen in your life, where do you still lack the Faith you need to move ahead, physically, spiritually, emotionally?

Where are you like Moses and take yourself out of narrow places and face your fears?

And where are you like Pharaoh? Nice to some and wicked to others? Holding them slaves for your kindness, when you dole out beatings more often?

There are so many questions and metaphors to explore during this time. And it doesn’t matter if you celebrate Passover or not. The invitation is to simply reflect on your own life and where you are a slave and where you want to be free.

My wish for you, no matter how you celebrate (or don’t) is: May you be free, May you have Faith, and May you see the miracles that surround you. It’s pretty simple. Maybe that’s why the story has lasted for thousands of years. It’s a tale we could all learn from.

How will you MindFULLY set yourself free this year? Let us know!

MindFULL Day Ways

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Sage words from an old boss, stranger on a plane and coincidentally (or is it?), “Dr. Bob”. Robert Mauer, Ph.D. aka “Dr. Bob”, is a wonderful psychologist I met at a friend’s work event 25 years ago in Chicago. Meeting him changed our lives (a post for another time).

Flash forward to life in Denver where I attended a workshop on Kaizen. According to the book jacket on Amazon: “Rooted in the two thousand-year-old wisdom of the Tao Te Ching–“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”–Kaizen is the art of making great and lasting change through small, steady increments. Kaizen is the tortoise versus the hare. Kaizen is the eleven Fortune 500 companies that significantly outperformed the market through moderate, step-by-step actions. Kaizen is losing weight not by a crash diet (which more often than not crashes) but by eating one bite less at each meal–then, a month later, eating two bites less. Kaizen is starting a life-changing exercise program by standing–just standing–on a treadmill for one minute a day.”

I had totally forgotten about Kaizen, until last week when Dr. Bob and his book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer Ph.D were mentioned in an article.

Shazam!

It’s Spring cleaning time (metaphorically) and all week I had been thinking about how to “clean some things up.” I wanted to do some things “better.” My “betters” were born of wanting to give and receive more kindness, showing up for others AND myself, and accepting situations and people/life as it was. As Dr. Bob says, “A life long journey – made one step at a time.”

Thus, I embraced this g-d wink and took one small step toward “better” by anonymously treating my daughter’s Debate class to a frozen yogurt outing. They took several titles at their State Championship. It’s one thing to say Congratulations! – It’s another thing to show it. Then, a call led me to leave soup outside of someone’s door. Later on that day, I was walking with my friend who always illuminates this phase of life and makes me laugh (at situations and myself) — she called the day Tzdekah (Jewish word for charity) Tuesday.

Then I realized…my blog posts on MindFULL Mondays.

And so it was, with my friend’s laughter, insights, delight for my daughter and more g-d winks than I could count, that I thought of creating my own Kaizen – Day Ways – a daily practice to keep me conscious and moving toward “better”, one step at a time. I’m sharing them with the hope that you, too, may decide to create a MindFULL Day that motivates you to take one small step toward your own “better.”

MindFULL Day Ways

MindFULL Monday – I am going to get back into the habit of posting something I hope will be enjoyable every Monday.

Tzedakah Tuesday – I am going to make a small difference in one person’s life every Tuesday.

Willpower Wednesday – I am going to set a goal for myself and take one little step toward it every Wednesday.

Thoughtful Thursday – I am going to cut everyone (including myself) some slack on Thursdays.

Freeday Friday – I am going to do one thing that is fun!

Sensual Saturday (all senses) – I am going to be aware of all my senses (touch, smell, taste hearing, sight) and do one thing to feed each of them.

Soulful Sunday – I am going to read or listen to one thing that might give me a new perspective.

p.s. I happen to write this post on FreeDay Friday – a day to do something fun! Here I am having a beer and leisurely lunch with my Dad, who is visiting. I also updated this on Soulful Sunday and true to my intention, received another g-d wink via time spent with someone who always gives me loving perspective.

What MindFULL Day have you created?

Let us know!