Musings and Insights

The Song of Life

50. Wow. That is a big number. I can’t believe that it will be the one that precedes my name this coming summer.

I’m not sure how I feel about it, other than grateful to reach it in good health and with all of the blessings I have in this moment. I am trying to skip over the bags under my eyes and the droopy profile when I step in the shower, much the less the over 1/2 way through fear of dread. But thankfully, I have learned that numbers are just numbers. They don’t mean anything other then the meaning we give them.

I was inspired last week when a friend said for her 51 birthday, she carried 51 $1 bills and hid them in random places for people to find. For example, she put one behind a ketchup bottle at the grocery story, another next to a rock at the local high school. I thought that was fun. Another friend is kicking off this year and making it The Year of 12s. She started a group that is made up of 12 women who will meet on the 12th of every month for fun.

So, when my friend, Colette, suggested that to celebrate turning 50 we collect our top 50 songs, with a story, I was all over it. Her birthday is a few weeks before mine. We are thinking of ways we can celebrate this summer and music will definitely play a huge roll.

I think the first song on my list will be Running on Empty, by Jackson Browne. It was my favorite song in high school and with the hot topic of high school in our home these days, it seems fitting. I can’t wait to see what the final list looks like and the story it will tell. After all, music is one of my favorite forms of storytelling and turning 50 can be one heck of a tale.

How do numbers play a fun roll in your life and perspective? Let us know!

A MindFULL Moment

While I usually post on MindFULL Mondays, I took the week off and lounged around. However, yesterday I had a MindFULL Moment and decided that in the spirit of a moment, rather than waiting, I’d post now.

Long story short, I am in a parent/child struggle as old as the hills. My daughter is 13 and is craving more independence. Some days we coast down the hill and others, we struggle up. It is not that I don’t trust her. It’s that the news makes me feel like I can’t trust the world. Time to turn off the TV.

I got it yesterday, when I woke up and set about racing myself to empty the dishwasher before my coffee was done perking. My daughter came down and asked if I could wait til sunrise to finish putting things away, as the clanking of the dishes echoed into her room. No problem. I took out the silver ware basket and put it on the counter, poured a cup of coffee and headed upstairs to take a shower. I had a big day ahead of me – I was “sitting with Chemo” as I’ve come to call the act of visiting while a friend takes her IV drip. I was scared and sad and honored and optimistic. I was a mess.

When I came downstairs 30 minutes later, the basket was empty and a note was attached.

I was stunned and touched. I called her down to thank her and to let her know how much I appreciated her competence and thoughtfulness, of all days. She said, “You are being a good friend today, Mommy.” I almost wept. What I want to be, I told her, is a good Mommy and that I wasn’t feeling so proud of some of my choice words over the last day (Day 13 of Christmas Break – I was feeling a DONE), to which she replied, “You are a good Mommy. But I know you are also a friend and wife and daughter and a sister. Today you have to be Robin the Friend and I can stay alone and will do what I know I have to do (read for school, a load of laundry) and then my friend will come at 1pm to get me and I will text you. It’s OK. You can GO.”

And, so I went. And, so did she.

I needed that MindFULL Moment more than words can describe. It’s not an easy time. Letting go and letting my daughter walk on her own in this world is taking me longer than I thought it would. And it’s not her. It’s me. A laugh in our house was had when the burglar company guy came to install our system and asked my husband if he should put a sensor on our daughter’s window so she doesn’t “climb out. “Ha!” he siad. “You should put it on the master bedroom, not my daughter’s – it’s my wife I d be concerned about first.”

Really, she is going to be fine. I’m clearly the one who could use some help.

So, in the Spirit of “Continuing Adult Education.” I am thinking that next year I will try and find a fun and creative way we can share our MindFULL Moments and learn together. I’ll let you know how/when I figure it out. Until then, may this weekend bring you a MindFULL Moment that takes your breath away and reminds you of all you have to be grateful for.

A Happy and MindFULL New Year to All. Wishing you MindFULL Moments of peace and ease in 2012!

The Cut of Courage

When I was a tween, I would save my paper route/babysitting money and ride my bike to the Village Salon, where all the fancy ladies got their hair cut. Then, I’d treat myself to a slice of pizza. I am, afterall, a (double) Leo. It’s all about the mane.

I still have the same routine. Best salon. Slice of Pizza.

The importance of my hair and the longevity of this routine sat with me this week, as I sat with my friend while she, too, had her hair cut. Only she wasn’t savoring the moment. She was getting hers cut, so that when she started chemotherapy at the end of week, her shorter locks would lead her through the loss of hair she was warned would begin soon thereafter.

What courage she has.

Instead of the usual slice of greasy NY pizza, we had a comfort lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Then, we headed over to the salon. Not knowing what to expect, I braced my self for unknown emotions. The burger rolled around my stomach. However, I have to say, that it was not as scary as I was expecting. Her strength and courage gave me permission to laugh and grimace with her. Sitting in her lap was a wig she had made to look like her hair, and when she put it on to have it trimmed, surprisingly, you really couldn’t tell. When the hair dresser actually began cutting, the end result was quite elegant. We agreed that when it really started to fall out, I’d help her shave it.

Dear Lord, please steady my hands.

As we sat in the chairs amongst the prettiest people and hairdressers you can imagine, I thought of how much I take for granted having hair, what it looks like and the role it has played throughout my life.

How would I feel without my hair? Not so good. Clearly, I have a pretty shallow side. How would I like to feel? Like the story below. I posted it last year and am reposting it in an effort to keep our attitudes positive. I dedicate it to my friend. May she see that she is not her hair. May she be healthy. May we laugh about this day next year and until then, exclaim, “YEAH! Today is wash and wear!”

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

“Well,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.” So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only
two hairs on her head. “H-M-M, ” she said, “I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.” So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had
only one hair on her head. “Well,” she said, “Today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.” So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head. “YEAH!” she exclaimed, “I don’t have to fix my hair today!”

What story do you MindFULLY use when you need a more positive attitude? Let us know!

Hallelujah

It is literally 8 degrees today. I am wearing a sweatshirt, tshirt, sweatpants and wool socks. Not lookin’ so good, but feeling beautiful on the inside. OK…that’s a stretch.

However, I have decided to try and embrace my inner beauty, as they say, and succumb to the season. I seek to revel in the days when I don’t have to wave a mascara wand. It’s that time of year, when I want to be “out” and yet, yearn to be “in”. It’s a challenge. I tend to err on the side of caution on these days; snow falls in the morning and I cancel my evening, below 10 degrees and I figure that my “to do” list is allowed to morph into my “to be” list.

You see, years ago, on a cold, winter day in Cleveland, I was driving to a “must have” interview and slid on a curved road, into a tree, setting off my air bag and smashing in the front of my car. Call it what you will – luck, angels, Grace – whatever you call it, it was on my side. The tree I hit was in front of a house, owned by a nurse who happened to be home. She, too, drove a Saab. She came out, helped me inside, called her car dealer and set about bandaging my fear.

What are the chances that I would hit that tree, in that car, on her day off?

And so, I am skiddish. Yes, having grown up on the East Coast and Colorado, you would think I could take the road on a snowy day, with ease. And yet, I take it with fear. A fear that I can’t seem to shake, but I can laugh at when my friend Ellen picks me up at the first sign of flakes.

I worry for the safety of people I care about. I cancel plans and hunker down, hoping the sun will come out and freedom will be mine.

And so it is on this day of 8 degrees, that I am finally embracing it all, letting myself off the hook and realizing that even birds are grounded when it snows. Instead of berating myself and stressing over making the exercise class at the JCC, I jumped on the basement treadmill, watched Mark Nebo on OWN. Then I threw in a load of laundry, sent a thank you note, wrote some new house ideas in my journal and made a date with Colette for creative inspiration, David for physical inspiration and Jay for finalizing some things around the house that really do need to be done. I put on my Holiday Itunes playlist:

Home For The Holidays – Danity Kane

Baby Its Cold Outside – Vanessa Williams

Love’s Holiday – Earth Wind and Fire

Someday at Christmas – Jack Johnson

America the Beautiful – Edwina Travis

Peace – Norah Jones

Hallelujah = k.d. lang (my favorite)

I appreciate the work I had this past year and the success behind me. I am trying to have faith that I will have what I need in the year ahead and that by not pushing now, I will have the energy and strength to push through when new work appears. That staying in my sweats doesn’t mean I am lazy. It really doesn’t mean anything, except for the meaning I choose to give it.

In this morning’s interview with Mark Nebo, he said, “Every experience we have reveals to us a word in the language of our own wisdom.”

Today’s word is surrender. Calgon, take me away…

How do you MindFULLY use your experiences? Let us know!

Crack Friday

That’s the new name my daughter and I have given the Friday after Thanksgiving. While all the advertisers want us to think of it as Black Friday, the only thing black about it is the hole you fall down if you buy in. We suspect that more people “crack” on that day then any other. Overeating, over sharing, over expecting things and people to be certain ways – how could you possibly not crack?

When did I get so cynical?

Maybe it was as I sat on the overstuffed chair at the Mall Friday morning at 7am so that my 13 year old could get 50% off at Abercrombie. Crack.

Maybe it was when she got home and realized none of it fit and that she was “over the whole thing.” Crack.

Maybe it was when I said, “Enough! Did we not spend the whole day, yesterday, giving thanks for all we have and now we are being bombarded with ads that tells us of how little we really have and need? Did we not race home and whip off our clothes after not one, but two kinds of stuffing, three pies and g-d knows how many sticks of butter?” Crack.

Color me crazy, but I think even she felt it. I could hear the music coming from her room while she cleaned out her closet to try and get a grip on what she had and really needed. I sensed a shift in desire. A girl after my own heart. 4 trash bags later (one for GoodWill, two for re-sale, one to return borrowed clothes) she suggested returning her 50% off items and, instead, came up with a handful of reasonable needs for the next day of “have to haves,” — otherwise known in our house as Chanukah.

What I loved most about the day, was that after we cracked, we found a way to put ourselves back together again. We went to the movies, out to lunch and took long deep breaths. We gained new perspectives; me, on what it means to be 13 years old; her, that as much as we love a Sale, sometimes you can pass it up.

Now, if only those brown suede boots I want get marked down soon and the sweater she “had to have” arrives in time for Hanukkah, we will not only have learned to bake a cake, we will get to it eat, too.

How do you MINDfully navigate the day after Thanksgiving? Let us know!

Supper Friends

How do you make supper something fun to create and look forward to? Share it with friends and challenge yourselves to stretch your culinary imaginations!

Such was the challenge our friend, Rebecca, put forth 10 years ago, when she suggested we start a Supper Club. They would bring a couple and we would bring a couple. Rotating 4x a year, one would do appetizers, one would do a main course and one would do dessert. The couple that hosted the last gathering would get a free meal.

Now, let me say that these three families aren’t food shlubs. They make for dinner and pour wine, on a normal Tuesday, what others have on special occasions in a nice restaurant. As the hosts of the first club night, I left Rebecca’s, not only blown away by the food and wine itself, but wondering how I could ever arrange a simple centerpiece to reflect such elegance and warmth.

As we gathered last Saturday night to a rousing rendition of “upscale bar food”, I couldn’t help but be overcome with gratitude for the laughter, creativity and delicious conversation we have nurtured amongst us. As we sat around the dining table in our friends’ lovely home, we gasped at the time. 11:30pm had come too fast.

You see, it started out being about the food and has really grown into being about the people. Together, we have grown. Together, we have weathered job losses, disease, divorce, growing pains, serious stress and uncertain times. Gathering for dinner and pouring ourselves into the care and thoughtfulness of the meal, has given us a shelter in life’s storms.

Saturday night, our friends made gourmet pizzas with the best home-made crust I have ever tasted. I dined at Spago’s last week, the original gourmet pizza restaurant and was disappointed; my fig and goat cheese pizza at Spago’s was not half as good as our friend’s. Their topping selections ranged from rotisserie grilled chicken and fresh sausage on the stove to roasted figs, sautéed red onions, truffle oil and spicy red sauce. The list of unique and delicious ingredients was endless. Forgetting that John had been an Exec at Domino’s in a past life, the tweaking and cooking resulted in a potential competitor.

I was on deck for appetizers and made lamb sliders with taziki sauce, sweet potato fries with ketchup chili sauce and handcrafted beers. We played music we haven’t heard since bellying up years ago and everyone’s hearts, for a few hours, seemed to lighten. When the last course of dessert came out and there was not one, but two amazing options of amaretto cake and homemade mousse, we squealed with delight. Everyone had put their hearts into their course. And we went from simple to complex, without being complicated.

As Adelle Davis once said, “We are indeed much more than what we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are.”

We are all busy and scheduling a time has gotten more challenging over the years. Still we manage to come together. And when we needed to come together Saturday night to challenge life and lighten our loads, we all clearly left, better for the time spent.

So, here’s to you, Howards, for your amazing ability to inspire, uplift and model gracious hosting. And to you, Farbers, for elegance, creativity and generosity. And Johnny D, for fast setting the challenge bar we all strive to reach. While we gather to fill our stomachs, you all get 5 stars for filling our hearts.

How do you MINDfully and creatively cook with friends? Let us know!

Love Me Tender

This weekend, my brother and his girlfriend of 11 years got married at The Little White Chapel. Along with 4,000 other couples in Vegas on 11/11/11, they finally tied the knot.

I have no idea what took so long. And what I learned this weekend was that it simply didn’t matter. What matters is that THEY are happy.

As I cracked up while the Reverend Belinda (Melinda?) read the vows, I teared up a bit as well as I watched my brother and Randi beam. They genuinely like each other and you could see they loved the kitsch. People were swarming The Chapel. Some were married in pink Cadillacs by Elvis at a drive up window. Others waited for their wedding room reservation as if at a chain restaurant that was promoting an Early Bird special.

It could have been easy to snicker. And I am grateful I caught myself. I finally remembered what we all talk about – Be In The Moment.

In that moment, it was all about Love.

I wasn’t so in the moment the week/months before. In all honesty, I brought my “supposed tos” to bear on how my brother planned (or didn’t plan) this momentous event. He just doesn’t have the same Type A gene I inherited. Now instead of cursing him, I kinda envy him. It all turned out splendidly in the end. Darn. Once again I see that things turn out the way they turn out and you can either fret all the way there or save your energy for celebrating when you arrive.

And so, I found a way to show up in joy instead of judgment and ya know what? It became one of the top 10 family memories I will hold forever. Their love was palatable, their kindness knew no bounds. They were so happy we came and didn’t miss a beat in letting us know how much we mattered to both of them. They asked my 13 year old daughter to be their Witness. My father, ever the attorney, asked if that was legal. It was not only legal, it was honoring of their love for her, as well. She was touched. So was I.

After the ceremony, we went back to The Mandalay Bay and ate as if Rome was burning. My childhood memories are made of meals where we over ordered at restaurants. I used to be embarrassed. Now, I am grateful that we can have anything on the menu we want. My brother ordered The Feast; literally one of everything on the menu. We ate til groaned. We laughed. We tasted everything, including delight.

So, here’s to Elvis, Jon and Randi and accepting that your way/my way isn’t the only way. It’s simply A way. And if we are lucky, it will lead us together again, soon.

How do you MINDFULLY remember to let go of “Shoulds? “Let us know!

We All Make Misstakes

“We all know we are powerfully influenced by first impressions – rightly or wrongly. For instance, have you ever taken a test, picked an answer, then thought about changing it – but didn’t? …More than 70 years of research on answer changing shows that most answer changes are from wrong to right, and that most people who change their answers on a test improve their score.”

Such was one of many interesting ditties that caught my eye in a terrific book I just finished, Why We Make Mistakes: HOW WE LOOK WITHOUT SEEING, FORGET THINGS IN SECONDS, AND ARE ALL PRETTY SURE WE ARE WAY ABOVE AVERAGE by Joseph T. Hallinan.

As quoted from the back of the book: “We forget our passwords. We pay too much to go the gym. We think we’d be happier if we lived in California (we wouldn’t) and that we should stick with our first answers on tests (we shouldn’t). Why do we make mistakes? And could we do a little better?”

The cover goes on…”In exploring the reasons behind human error – our eyes play tricks on us and our stories change in the retelling – journalist Joseph T. Hallinan uses real-life stories to illuminate findings from such diverse fields as neuroscience, economics and football. He finds that we are all biased in the way we perceive, not only ourselves, but the world around us… This book not only offers valuable advice, such as how to remember where you’ve hidden something important for safekeeping, but also explains why multitasking is a bad idea, why men make errors women don’t, and why most people think San Diego is west of Reno (it’s not).”

I loved it. Not because I think I make a lot of mistakes (and the author explains why I think I this) but because so many of the little observations and details in life can be found in the understanding – and that makes my MindFULL Monday really Mind FULL.

It was a fast read and a delightful illumination of the reasons behind my mistakes. It helped me to clean up my passwords, trust my gut more often and think about asking my daughter to proofread my work (kids are more likely to catch your errors than other adults).

I highly recommend it. Now, where did I put my keys?

What have you MindFULLY read and learned recently? Let us know!

Ooops, I Did It Again

A few weeks ago, I once again got caught up in my “downsizing/cleaning out” mode and ripped through my closet. 14 trash bags later, I rushed to GoodWill before I could change my mind.

Darn! In the bags were 3 things I wish I had kept. Red suede loafers that I bought to celebrate my Masters Degree in ‘95, high heeled loafer work shoes that were made for “working women” and a gold lame’ sweater set that gave me a silly sense of elegance. It also made me look like the “Mother of the Bride.” It had to go. The loafers had been re-soled four times and the insides were peeling onto my feet and socks. The high heeled loafers were hard to stand in for more than 10 minutes. Still, I miss them.

I sense a freedom in letting go and also a bit of sadness.

Such has been this sense, after last weekend when my daughter and I spent a rainy and cold Yum Kippur afternoon in the basement, working on journals and talking of atonement and insight. Rather than attend holiday services in the same old way, we lit a candle, turned on the lava lamp and created a new Pandora station. As we cut and pasted into our New Year Intention books, I couldn’t help but think about all of the different ways we had celebrated holidays in years past.

I had the same mixed bag of feelings when I looked inside my closet. Stuffed with clothes that no longer fit, I took them out and gratefully passed them on to a place that would ensure someone would enjoy them. I realized that an old way I used to celebrate the Jewish High Holidays no longer fit, and gratefully let it go with blessings for the community I used to be part of. I felt that sense of freedom and sadness.

Change is hard. We hold onto things and people, thinking we should; we will wear it again or we will “see them soon.” And for some, that is true. I’m not advocating giving it all away. Heavens no! I have a few wonderful items that I carefully keep tucked on a shelf and many friends/family who live here and around the country that I truly hope to “see soon,” in spite of the time that separates such good intentions.

No, no, no…I am talking of the long brown satin dress that I wore to the fundraising Ball two years ago. The one that a friend held up and quizzically snickered, “How long ago were you a bridesmaid?” Or the group I used to work hard to be part of and now realize that I had given my best intention/love/loyalty/creativity to and for a variety of reasons, some theirs, some mine, I am no longer part of. For me, the thing about clearing out is that I make room to add in – the friend I made by being on a new Board, the memory I created by giving an old tradition a new spin, the new clothes I bought that are appropriate for my age, but still make me look fun.

As my friend Vesna says, there is great peace in Gumzalatova – a Yiddish saying that means “Its all for the best.”

It’s hard to know that when your heart hurts or you long for those old comfortable shoes.

But there is some ease for me in knowing that what I have is what I should have, Today.

A funny, hip and straight shooting friend of mine, who used to be in retail, says the new color combo for the season is gray with brown, taupe or black and that if you add a scarf for zip, you will no longer look like the “Mother of the Bride.” So, I splurged and bought myself a great scarf at Nordstrom’s last week. It was my metaphor for wrapping myself in something that fits and that I delight in. I wear it, draped around my neck in a new knot, as I look across the table and see my husband and daughter — and in that moment I know that all of the choices I have made in my life, to let go or to hold on, are right. And that knowing is worth keeping.

Now if I can only clean out the “what if” voice in my head. Where is that trash bag?

What can you MindFULLY clean out of your real and proverbial closet? Let us know!

Circle of Life (chocolate cake)

Today was a Circle of Life Day.

I started the morning with a baby naming celebration for twins, born 1 month early, then spent the afternoon at a Memorial Service for Addie’s teacher, Frank, and ended the evening with dinner in the backyard with our cousins from Idaho.

I get it. You’re born. You die. And in-between, you try and spend as much time as you can with people you enjoy.

In honor of this magnificent day, I baked what I now call my Circle of Life Chocolate Chip Bundt Cake. When folks have babies, I bake one for the family. When I pay a Shiva call (the Jewish ritual for condolence calls), I bring the cake. It’s my dear friend Jill’s recipe. I’ve adopted it and adapted it. I barely follow the instructions anymore. I use what I have in the house (No sour cream? Use plain yogurt. No oil? Butter will do just fine.)

After dinner, we cut large slices and enjoyed every bite. It was our metaphor for taking big bites out of life. That seemed to be the lesson of the day. Whether one is celebrating the beginning journey of life or mourning its’ ending, starting a new chapter as empty nesters or figuring out a next chapter, all we can do is eat up every moment and savor the flavor.

At Frank’s service, they played a photo slide show. The Vaughan Brothers song – Tick Tock – was the soundtrack. I loved it. I found it on YouTube for you. Perhaps you’d like to bake the Circle of Life cake for your family and friends; pop on this song while you stir the batter. May it become about more than baking a cake. Maybe it become about enjoying a slice of life.

The Vaughan Brothers song – Tick Tock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLs5REzFvOY&feature=related

Circle of Life Chocolate Cake

Ingredients:

1 package of instant chocolate pudding

¾ cup vegetable oil

1 package of Fudge cake mix

6 oz. chocolate chips

¾ cup of water

½ sour cream

4 eggs

Mix everything together, fold in chips, pour into greased bundt pan and bake at 350F for 40 minutes. If you really want to impress em’ , mash up any kind of berry, drizzle on plate and over cake. Easy and DELICIOUS!

How do you MindFULLY celebrate the Circle of Life? Let us know!