Musings and Insights

Color Me Crazy

G-d bless my girlfriends. Not one of them shamed me as I spent the last month perseverating over what color yellow to paint the family room/kitchen. Wars rage, sickness ravages and our government stumbles. Try as I do to keep perspective and balance, I could not move off of “what color yellow?” We’d go into restaurants, I’d ask what the color was (champagne gold). Jill sent me her neighbor’s yellow (straw). Dad and Pam shared theirs (dorset gold). Still, nothing.

But on Friday, it all came together. Isn’t that the way life works? You change one thing or try one more time and whatever you are struggling with comes clear.

It was a big week at the house. Picking paint colors is excruciating for me. Color is visceral. I feel it. People say it doesn’t matter, you won’t notice once art is up. But that’s not how I work. I see it, I feel it. I go through color phases. This one is yellow. In our last house we went from green, to orange and ended with blue. My friends shake their heads and color me crazy.

And I can’t hire someone to pick ’em. That I’ve learned along the way. I have some wonderful women in my life who are terrific decorators. At different points, I have tapped their expertise, but in the end, for a variety of reasons, I have to do it myself (with Ken, of course). I know what I like. I get why they make the big bucks. It is a lot of time and work. Frankly, I couldn’t afford myself.

On Thursday they started to paint the outside and the Grey was wrong (and I had “bought” that color from an ” exterior paint expert”). My stomach turned. Panic set in. I couldn’t afford, literally, to make a mistake. But, as she often does, Colette (www.handygirlfriend.com) showed up for a walk at just the right time and pulled the paint deck from her trunk. There, in City Park, she suggested a new Grey. The next day, Matt painted a sample of her choice and the breath returned to my body. Ken and Chris agreed. We were back on track!

THAT’S what friends are for.

Taupe, check. Yellow, check. Grey check. We still have to pick a color for my daughter’s room and then all we can do is cover our eyes and hope that when Chris yells, “move that dumpster!”, we are as happy as the folks on Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Our job is not that extreme. But it is extreme enough.

How do you MindFULLY make choices about creating your home? Let us know!

TED

I Love TED.

I know, my husband’s name is Ken. So who is TED? (And no, TED is not my contractor!) According to their website: TED a nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become ever broader. Along with two annual conferences — the TED Conference in Long Beach and Palm Springs each spring, and the TEDGlobal conference in Edinburgh UK each summer — TED includes the award-winning TEDTalks video site, the Open Translation Project and TED Conversations, the inspiring TED Fellows and TEDx programs, and the annual TED Prize.

I love TED. On days when I feel like a vanilla wafer, I can jump on the site and give my bland, dull spirit a jolt of inspiration. It feeds my curiosity, broadens my horizons and allows me to have something to say when I’m called upon to be in the world and stand up straight.

You can watch their videos; attend their talks in your city or down load a podcast. I listened to 3 of them on the flight home Thursday night. One took courage. It was a talk by Ric Elias: 3 Things I Learned While My Plane Was Crashing. As we bumped through the storms ravaging the mid-west, what better time was there?

You can learn just about anything with TED – Technology, Entertainment, Design, Business, Global issues, etc. It’s all on TED.com. You don’t have to go anywhere, do anything, take any tests. All you have to do is sit back and absorb.

There’s a whole world out there. It’s easy to forget. TED lets you open up your world. Try it and watch how large it gets. And then, watch your heart follow.

How do you MindFULLY learn new things? Let us know!

Where There’s A Rut, There’s A Way

The other night, as laid with my daughter before sleep, she proclaimed she was “utzy” and couldn’t put her finger on what was under her skin. Luckily, she is pretty quick at getting to her emotions, and sure enough, 20 minutes later bounded into my bedroom and proclaimed, “I’m in a rut!”

Join the line.

We talked about what “rut” meant to a 13 year old (this Friday) and she spilled her thoughts. Gratefully, nothing major. And yet, everything we all bump up against at this time of year. It’s Spring and I sense from lots of conversations, that folks are ready to get moving again.

We brainstormed ways to get re-juiced and agreed to tackle what we could. The rest we could use as fuel for the days to come. Here are our top 10 favorites:

Update your iPod with new music. Can’t think of what’s new and fun? Then just buy the soundtrack to Grey’s Anatomy. They have great songs by new artists all in one neat package. Plug it into your speakers and let it be background music to your day.

Don’t laugh, but buy a few new pairs of under garments. I ripped out an award winner from Real Simple last week (cupidintimates.com) and threw out everything that had a hint of gray to it. Way easier to suck your stomach in when the band on your panties isn’t broken.

Employ a few Feng Shui (pronounced Fung Shway) techniques. One of my favorite books to help you do this is The Western Guide to Feng Shui: Creating Balance, Harmony, and Prosperity in Your Environment. There are a few simple things you can do that will make all the difference, like moving around 22 objects in your house. You can do that yon your way out the door.

Move your body. Try on running for size. Here’s the link to the “Couch to 5k” Training Plan. http://www.fromcouchto5k.com/articles/training/the-couch-to-5k-training-plan/ I have NEVER been able to run, but I made a date to start next week. I need to do something new and this seems like a simple and easy way to just get my butt in gear. I’ll let you know…

Make a list of everything rolling around in your brain. By a colorful marker to cross it off with.

Buy one new plant and place it in a daily visible spot.

Download Arthur on Netflix and take yourself back a few years. When you return to today, you’ll feel lighter, for sure.

Add some lavender to your bedroom. Whether it is a misting spray, real springs or washing your sheets in lavender water, it will help promote rest. And with a little rest, things always feel better.

Think about one thing weighing on your mind and deal with it. Face it. Tell the person who needs to be told. Get it off your chest. Hard to do, easy to wonder “Why didn’t I do that sooner?”

Pray. Really. Get a bowl or a box and write down something you need help with. Then fold it up, put it n the container and let it go. Ask whatever higher source you believe in to help. Then step aside and do one nice thing today. Pay attention to what you begin to see.

Sure enough, after just cleaning out her bathroom (her idea), moving the hamper from the closet to a new space that makes it easier to use and putting the garbage can under sink, she looks better, feels lighter and is wearing things she forgot she had.

That’s the best part – remembering what we have. That alone can help us move forward. Gratitude. It’s the best fuel in the world.

How you MindFULLY get yourself out of a rut? Let us know!

Did You Know

Is there something about you that would surprise friends and family? A few weeks ago, after reading my post about scents, my camp friend, of 30 years, mentioned that he had no sense of smell – hadn’t had any since he was a a kid. I had no idea! He ordered an amazing meal for us in NYC – how’d he do that without being able to taste?

Then yesterday, I was talking with my dad about how I look for synchronicity and patterns in numbers and he told me that when he is bored or distracted, he plays a game with himself whereby he can look at a word and within seconds, tell you how many letters are in it. I threw out a few words and he threw back the letters. Humph! Who knew?!

Here’s something I’ll bet my friends and family don’t know about me… When I am in a meeting ( or when I was in school) and I am bored, I take my notes backwards. I write the whole letter and sentenced from right to left.

The funny thing is that years ago, when we were sitting around the table after my grandmothers funereal, my mom was doodling and it turned out that she writes backwards, too! Except, she does it in script. That’s kinda weird.

If you were to think about the people who know you, is there something that you realize they don’t know? Do you have a hidden talent, passion or habit that you never thought about, but might surprise them? Tell them. Show them. Crack them up!

What do you do MINDFULLY do that makes you unique? Let us know!

You Look So Familiar

People often smile at me, as if we have met before. It’s a funny phenom for me. When introduced, they often say, “You look so familiar.” I laugh. I look like every other East Coast Jewish girl. I’m not that unique.

Or am I?

A few years ago, I read Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of a Prominent Psychiatrist, His Young Patient, and the Past-Life Therapy That Changed Both Their Lives by Brian L. Weiss. It was fascinating.

On his website, Dr. Weiss describes the story: As a traditional psychotherapist, he was astonished and skeptical when one of his patients began recalling past-life traumas that seemed to hold the key to her recurring nightmares and anxiety attacks. His skepticism was eroded, however, when she began to channel messages from “the space between lives,” which contained remarkable revelations about Dr. Weiss’s family and his dead son. Using past-life therapy, he was able to cure the patient and embark on a new, more meaningful phase of his own career.

After reading his book, the frequent smiles and familiar greetings began to make sense. The next time someone said “hi” with a knowing intonation, I whispered to my husband, “In a past life, I must have been a Queen and these are my peoples; I must have been a good Queen and they are happy to see me again!”

Clearly, I’m joking. But why else would strangers wave? I travel a lot for business and sometimes in the airport I make a game out of counting the number of people who smile at me. I love it. It brightens my spirits after long days and reminds me of the good in this world.

We are all so busy. And it shows on our faces. The scowls, the impatience, the disappointment. But what if we smiled more. Simply said, “Hey, how’s it going?” Took a deep breath and smiled before responding?

Today, while walking in the park, a man walked toward me, talking on his cell phone. As I passed, he smiled and waved. I smiled back. I didn’t know him. But maybe he tasted my food for me hundreds of years ago and was simply showing back up to say, “Delicious day out here in the park, isn’t it?

When do you MindFULLY notice when you meet someone familiar? Let us know.

Common Scents

Today, as I puffed up the stairs from the garage, I caught a whiff of a familiar scent – Au d’ Abercrombie. I knew my husband and daughter had beaten me home from the mall.

Scents are a funny thing. They can make you gag (like in an Abercrombie store where they pump the perfume into the air as soon as you walk in the door), they can delight and bring you back to 5^th grade and your first real perfume (Shalimar) and they can calm your nerves when you smell something worn by someone you love (Old Spice deodorant).

Smell is the most mysterious of human senses. Odor engineers need not only chemistry and physics but must also know something about history, psychology and sociology. This is the conclusion of a new book, Odors: Physiology and Control (McGraw Hill; $6.50), by Carey P. McCord, of Detroit’s Industrial Health Conservancy Laboratories, and William N. Witheridge, ventilation engineer for General Motors. Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,794764,00.html#ixzz1ITD68BtI

Chanel has always been one of my favorites. Last week in a department store, we stopped by the Chanel counter to sniff what’s new. My Bobie (grandmother) wore Chanel No 5, I wear Chanel Allure and Coco Chanel was a passing fancy scent for my first job (so was the job). In her new book, “The Secret of Chanel No. 5: The Intimate History of the World’s Most Famous Perfume,” Tilar Mazzeo reveals the complicated — and often scandalous — history of the world’s bestselling perfume. Read more: http://blogs.forward.com/sisterhood-blog/136335/#ixzz1ITDXRXPq

I can remember good times and bad, by scent. Aeromatique by Clinique was the bottle I packed in my suitcase for my post-college, two week, whirlwind European tour – the bottle they told me NOT to pack. Of course it broke and soaked all my clothes and my duffel bag. I tried to wash everything in a tub in Austria and the smell was so strong, I stuffed towels under the bathroom door to keep the smell from wafting out. I had my shorts washed by the hotel and thinking I was so smart, placed them under the mattress to “iron” them. Only when the bus pulled onto the highway, did I smell my own luggage which triggered my memory and sinking heart, realizing I had one pair of shorts left. And they stank. To this day, if someone near me is wearing Aeromatique, I still get that little gag cough feeling.

Grace, by Philosophy, is my daughter’s new favorite. A friend of ours wears it and she is strong and successful. Tabu reminds me of Auntie Susan and her cozy, lovely home in Boston. Opium reminds me of my old self, trying to be grown up and living in LA for six, silly months and Obsession is the scent worn by one of my first bosses. I could smell her coming. It was like smelling fear.

When my daughter was born, I didn’t wear perfume. I wanted her to know my natural scent. I wanted her to know when she smelled ME, it meant “You are not alone. All is well. You are safe. You are loved.”

Scent can do so much for us. Play around and have fun. See what scent can do for you!

What scent do you MindFULLY wear and when? Let us know!

Let You Be

“When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you can’t change, but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings that you’ve already received and those that are yet to come & stand in that space of gratitude and honor and claim that for yourself and look at where you are and how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished and who you are- when you can claim THAT and SEE that, the literal vibration of your life will change.” — Oprah

Now, I am not one to often quote Oprah, but this spoke to me. It was on the website of one of the most inspirational blogs I read, Jamie Ridler Studios. http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/

The quote prefaced another interesting link; Geneen Roth reading from her book, Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything. You can check it on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Znw2UYH4c&feature=player_embedded#at=302

Both got me wondering about going easy on ourselves. A simple concept complicated by inner voices and pre-conceived notions. However, rather than ponder, I am taking this MindFull Monday to simply surrender. Please join me. For one day, Let It Be. Let YOU Be.

How about if we say the Song Of The Day is Let It Be…come on, hum it with me. When ever a stab of something comes to mind today (it comes in different forms for all of us) hum a few bars and turn on the ease. For one day. Let It Be.

How do you MindFULLY find ways to Let It Be? Let us know!

Wise-Women

30 years ago, as I stood in the foyer of our townhouse, clearly having done something wrong (as per usual back then), my mother screamed over the banister, “Just wait, one day you’ll have one, just like you!” – it wasn’t a compliment. And when I was 34 and still without child, she gingerly asked if I was every going to have children and I reminded her of said situation and laughingly said, “Why would I?”

But fortunately for me, I did have children. One, actually. And the joke is on my Mom. My daughter is nothing like I was. I call her my “one-derful.” She is smart like her daddy (and very close with him), funny and fair as the day is long, emotionally endearing and comfortable in her tween skin. I like her immensely. And I love her more than I could have ever imagined.

That’s why I knew I needed help when her thirteenth birthday began to loom. It was obvious to me that some of my choices for her (where to go to HS, where not to go to HS) and silly fears of basic teen behavior (make-up, boys, etc) was “my stuff” bubbling to the surface, not hers. And so I called Susan Klein, an amazing family/kid counselor in our community, and made an appointment (let me know if anyone wants her number). I didn’t foresee needing intense therapy, but knew a few pointers would surely help me navigate the time to come. Luckily, I had also sat on the Board of Smart-Girl for years (www.smart-girl.org), had learned a few things and knew they, too, had amazing resources for girls and moms as they move through this tumultuous time (check them out for helpful info and if you live in Denver, you must attend their luncheon in April on the developing teen brain. It will be amazing!).

My 50 minutes with Susan yielded some great tips. I share them with the hope that all we’ll scream at our own children is “yeehaa!” and that what we see in them is a reflection of their own true selves, not our own wounded teenager.

Susan’s Advice:

The only way to be close to your kids during these years is to ask them questions and become familiar with their experience before going anywhere in your mind about what something means.

At this age, do more listening than talking in order to help understand their experience. Its not yours.

If you hear something that freaks you out, tell them you are concerned and that you are going to sit with it. Put the conversation on hold and take some time to ponder – it will become clear as to whether it is a slippery slope or normal glitch.

Take a Colombo attitude (the TV detective from our childhood). Get curious as if trying to solve a mystery. The mystery is their experience!

“Tell me about that”
“How did it happen?”
“What were you doing?” (watch your tone…)
“ I want you to have choices and I want to understand your experience. Indulge me and help me understand.“
“There is only one way to make a good decision (child’s name) and that is to have ALL the information you need.” – Then its info we as parents can use to reinforce what we want them to know.

If your spouse sees it differently, ask them what they are worried about. They have stuff in this, too! Remember, everyone could use a little support in this job.

Luckily, my mom and I are dear friends today, and I get to pass on to my daughter the spirit of a long line of strong Kyett women (and I hope the Glicksteins, as well; talk about a strong and smart lineage). I pray that is ALL I pass on. As my old and wise friend Barb says, “People tell you who they are. Listen.” Thankfully, so far, all I hear is singing from the bathroom.

How do you MindFULLY navigate with your kids? Let us know!

One New Idea

Just this week, I had no fewer than 7 conversations with fantastic, “successful”, interesting, delightful people who are bored with their lives. If there was one big bed everyone could crawl into, they’d put on their pj’s and scoot under the covers.

But alas, there isn’t. We have to get up. We get to get up! We are lucky we have the luxury to ponder “what Next?” And therefore, I say, “Come on, gang, we can do it. Let’s get up and get dreaming!”

“How?” You might ask. “I don’t know…” However, what I do know is that there are some paths to figuring out what you’d like to do and hopefully, they can lead you to “Next”.

One of those paths is through journaling. Not writing words in a book, blah, blah, blah, but writing, creating, gluing, drawing and thinking as your hands move. No censoring. No self badgering as to whether you are an artist. That’s besides the point.

And that is why Judith Cohen-Mamet and her YouTube tutorials are a gem. Judith shows you how to journal and add some fun techniques to a traditionally dry process. Below is a link to the first of a series of video tutorials for mixed media journal techniques. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-rfGQDcjXg. After the video, check out the additional helpful hints found on her blog (www.jcmamet.net)

In addition to using Judith’s techniques, consider using colorful crayons to scribble your dreams. Better yet, MAKE the crayons. I saw this technique on a friend’s Facebook page and thought it was so different. And how do you break the boredom cycle? BY DOING ONE SIMPLE THING IN A DIFFERENT WAY. One thing. Try it!

– soak the crayons in warm water (the wrappers come off much more easily this way)
– break into smallish pieces
– spray the baking pan with oil for easy remove.

– put in the oven at 250 degrees for 10 minutes
– they’ll be pure liquid when you take them out, but they’ll cool in another 10 minutes and viola, you’re done!

FYI – my friend’s friend got the pan at Crate & Barrel (it’s a whoopie pie pan 🙂

So, this week, try doing one thing differently, rip out one article from a magazine or newspaper that interests you or consider taking one class on a topic you’d like to learn more about. Just ponder one new idea. You don’t have to marry anything. Just explore it. You never know where it might lead. Certainly, it will add to “Next”!

What did you MindFULLY find to add to your “Next”? Let us know!

GroundHog Day

Today is Valentines Day and it is not one of my favorite holidays. Does that make me an unloving person? I sure hope not. For you see, I try and tell the people I love that I care for them, as often as possible. Why do I need a forced day of cards I don’t write or chocolate that we don’t eat?

I buy flowers for myself fairly often. I don’t mind that my husband doesn’t send them – he shows he cares in so many other ways, like doing the laundry and folding my underwear for me, by calling every day at 5:10pm and asking if there is anything I need him to pick up on the way home and by demonstrating patience when he could clearly be annoyed.

Every day, at least 10x before dinner, my daughter walks by me and says, “I love you, mommy.” I don’t need a card to put in a box to remember the sound of her voice. She shares her music with me, tells me her thoughts and feelings and puts her hand on my shoulder when I am sad.

Last night, a young friend of my daughter’s called and asked her if she liked him. She was totally bummed. She likes him as a friend, but found his question awkward and now feels a sense of loss, not gain. She spent the evening in tears. She has just been thrust into that awkward time of young emotion. I’m sure that is not what the folks at Hallmark had in mind.

As I walked the park this morning, I tried to think of all the things I love and all the people that fill my heart with delight. I said thank you to the Universe for the fact that I was walking, that the Rec Center was open so I could use a clean bathroom, that I have friends and family that I profoundly enjoy, that I could afford to shop at Target and that they carry Annies Fruit Snacks and Kelloggs Frosted Mini Wheats and socks so that I only have to make one stop. That Saturday night my husband and I raised a glass to how much we still like each other (24 Valentines Days later) and that my dear friend has finally found love, as well. As I laid beside my daughter last night and listened while she cried, and then watched as her humor re-emerged, I thought, “This is what love feels like”.

There is so much to love in our lives; so many people and so many little things. I pray that each day is a form of Valentines Day and that whether or not I make red food or go years between talking with someone, that my love is known, both to myself and to others.

If you are reading this, I pray that you may know love in whatever way love fits for you. And then, consider making this Valentines Day into Groundhog Day. Live loving moments over and over. Why love only on one day, when there are so many we are so lucky to have?

How do you MindFULLY show someone you love them? Let us know!